Loss, Life, and Love
by NekoKenni
Summary: Alternate Universe - Human Characters - RussiaxLatvia and past RussiaxChina - Ivan has somewhat taken in a young boy named Raivis, and it doesn't take long for an attachment to develop. However, Ivan's past has destroyed him to the core and he must confront these issues to learn to really care for Raivis.
1. Obviously, Love Is More Important

**Chapter 1 – Obviously, Love Is More Important Than Tea**

Ivan smiled at the young boy on his couch, sighing softly. They boy had been coming here consistently for months, since his parents were never home. One day, the boy was stuck outside in the rain, and Ivan had invited him in. It was as simple as that. Ever since that day the boy had come over after school, and only went home once his parents' car pulled up. Sometimes it was as early as 8 pm, but most of the time it was very late, at almost midnight or even past 1 am. The boy always looked sad to go. He didn't really talk much, though, so Ivan couldn't be sure. Ivan smiled again, wondering…Raivis. That was his name. The boy had said it only once, when he had first moved into the apartment complex around 9 months ago. Ivan shook his head, pulling himself out of his thoughts, and sat down on the couch next to the boy, smiling.

"How was school today?" he asked.

"Okay." Raivis answered softly, shaking his head, his voice barely a whisper. Ivan frowned sympathetically.

"What happened?" Ivan looked at him closely, sensing that it wasn't actually okay.

"It's nothing. Just stupid people." Raivis said simply, in a way that indicated that Ivan shouldn't ask anything more.

"Okay. Are you hungry at all?" Ivan asked, his voice gentle, and Raivis nodded.

"Would it be alright…if I asked you to make some tea?" He said almost silently, his head bowed. Ivan smiled and got up.

"Of course." He moved to the kitchen, making the tea carefully with Raivis by his side. The boy never left him alone for more than a minute when they were together. The thought made Ivan's face break into a small smile, and his stomach to flip over. He laughed at himself, pulling the boiling tea off the stove as the kettle started to whistle. He poured the tea and set the cups aside for them to cool for a bit. He glanced down at Raivis then, and found he was staring at the tea cups with a happy expression, something almost like a smile. Ivan laughed again and patted the boy's head, smiling down at him while resisting a strange urge to move closer. The boy looked up at him and his eyes became questioning, but the smile didn't leave his face until he seemed to have a thought and he tilted his head.

"Are you all right?" he asked Ivan very quietly, his voice a whisper, barely audible as per usual.

"I'm just fine. Do not worry." Ivan smiled and ruffled Raivis' hair, and then grabbed his shoulders, spinning him so his back was to Ivan, and pushed him gently out of the kitchen, following closely behind and humming a tune from his childhood quietly. A small laugh escaped from Raivis, and Ivan nearly beamed. Every day the boy opened up a little more. Every day he smiled, laughed, and talked just a little more. Lately he seemed to even wonder about Ivan, asking how he was and random questions about things Ivan liked. The thought made Ivan grin to himself, despite how odd it might be for him to feel so happy that this boy cared about him somewhat. He wondered for a moment how things would go if he was honest to Raivis about his feelings, but decided he would wait for Raivis' feelings to be expressed first. After all, compared to him, Raivis was just a kid. He had no right to push himself onto someone like him, but he was sure if Raivis ever confessed he would go for it. He sighed darkly, a feeling of…sadness, perhaps even a little resentment for his position washing over him. If only Raivis was a little older. If only Ivan himself was younger…

"Ivan?" Ivan blinked, finding Raivis staring up at him, his eyes wide. Ivan frowned. He'd spaced out, somehow, ending up with Raivis' hand on his arm, turned towards him and looking down into his face.

"I'm fine," Ivan sighed, "Just…thinking a lot, today." Ivan tried to smile, finding it a little difficult when Raivis looked so serious.

"Something's wrong. Tell me?"

Ivan shook his head. "You do not need to worry, it is just personal. I do not think you would understand."

"But I want to know." Raivis said simply, meeting Ivan's eyes directly. Ivan stared, captured by the gaze, and then sighed.

"I am just…hm." he smirked a little. Perhaps he could make this something amusing. "There is something I want that I cannot have."

A confused look passed over Raivis' face. "What is it?" he asked bluntly, looking curiously up at Ivan.

Ivan chuckled softly and shook his head. "It is nothing."

Raivis pouted, puffing his cheeks out slightly. "Why won't you tell me?"

"It is not something I would normally share. I am afraid you would take it the wrong way." Raivis looked really confused, and Ivan smirked slightly. "Though perhaps I can trust you, da?" Raivis nodded, and Ivan's mouth curved into a smile. "I will only say this: I am interested in a boy. A younger boy."

Raivis' eyes got huge and he frowned. "Who? Why?"

"I cannot say. You will just have to figure it out, I suppose."

Raivis looked down, thinking. Ivan looked at his face, sure he had gotten it, and suddenly he panicked. What if…no. Raivis would not leave. They were friends, right? Ivan frowned, regretting ever saying anything. Raivis frowned too then, a somewhat intrigued look on his face. Ivan stared.

"Is it me?" he asked simply, causing Ivan's heart rate to accelerate. He didn't respond. Raivis stared at him, and after a few seconds, he sighed and looked down. "I…I'm going to take a walk." He said very slowly, taking a step back. Ivan's heart stopped as Raivis took another step back, turned, and vanished out the front door.

The second the door shut, a strange pain shot through Ivan's chest. His vision went blurry and he staggered to his couch, staring blankly at the floor. Raivis probably wouldn't come back. He probably ran as far away as possible. Ivan didn't blame him. It was wrong, horribly wrong, for a 26 year old man to even look at a 16 year old boy, not to mention have fallen in love with him. An odd, unfamiliar noise tumbled from between his lips as he roughly wiped the tears from his face. This was the first time in years that he had cried over anyone. After all, this was the first time in years he had cared for anyone. Another sob echoed through the room and he covered his mouth, holding it back. He didn't need to cry, he didn't want Raivis to come back, he didn't miss Yao, he didn't feel guilty for betraying Yao's memory, he hadn't fallen for Raivis and he didn't care! Ivan choked back heavier sobs, trying to lie to himself, rebuilding his shell, curled up on the couch, his knees level with his chin. And suddenly the door burst open, and Raivis came flying in. Ivan's eyes went wide and his feet hit the floor hard as he stood up in surprise, the tears on his cheeks obvious and his voice cracking as he spoke.

"You came back!"

"I-I…panicked. I'm sorry." Raivis mumbled, nodding, looking all too sincere and embarrassed. Ivan's heart felt like it was breaking as he looked at the boy he loved, knowing that even though he came back, no matter what he did Raivis would never-

"Ivan, I…" Raivis blushed and looked away. "I think I've known for a long time," he mumbled softly, "and I…I…" he trailed off as Ivan's eyes grew wide.

"You knew? And yet you still come over as if it was normal?"

"I-I had to. I miss you! Even when I'm just at school, all I want is to be here!" Raivis said a little louder, as if the words were forced from his lips.

"…what do you mean?"

"I don't know! But I want to be here, I want to be by your side, I want to…I-I…Ivan I…I understand how you feel because I think I feel the same." He blushed deeply and locked eyes with Ivan, as Ivan himself blinked, not comprehending. "I just…ran away because…I didn't expect you to think about me that way, I'm just a kid, I'm nothing special," he continued to blush, now a bright red color, "but I hoped and now…" He trailed off yet again.

Ivan just stared down at him. He didn't know how to respond. Was Raivis saying…he loved Ivan too? It was hard to wrap his head around. It wasn't possible! But there he was, standing before Ivan, his face red and his eyes wide, looking deep into Ivan's own and Ivan's heart skipped a beat. In the moment they locked eyes, they both suddenly understood. Comprehension sparked between them. It was simple. No need to overcomplicate things or over think their situation. Raivis looked down for a second and then leaped into Ivan's arms, hugging him tightly, wrapping his arms around and squeezing, pressing his face into Ivan's chest. Ivan bit his lip and stared for a moment, then wrapped his arms around the small boy, lifting him up into the air and hugging him, setting him down gently after a few seconds. Ivan smiled, a truly happy smile, joy bubbling up in his chest as his eyes were squeezed shut from the force of his grin. Raivis smiled too, a cute, embarrassed smile that suited him well. Ivan looked at him and suddenly Raivis lifted his hands up to Ivan's face and pulled him down, kissing him gently on the lips, his entire face going scarlet. Ivan kissed back gently, lifting Raivis up again and hugging him, setting him down as Raivis pulled away. Ivan just beamed at him, wiping at the tear stains still on his cheeks, bringing them to Raivis' attention.

"You were crying?"

Now it was Ivan's turn to blush. He shook his head.

"I deny your allegations. I do not cry." Ivan smiled as Raivis laughed a little. Then he frowned.

"I'm sorry I made you cry." He said quietly. "I'm glad that you care about me, though." He smiled, making Ivan's heart skip once more.

"I do, moya lyubov," he said quietly, "Da, ya tebya lyublu, Raivis." Ivan smirked, knowing Raivis knew next to no Russian. He only knew the little bit Ivan had taught him so far.

"That's not fair, you know I don't understand!" He pouted a bit, and Ivan patted Raivis on the head gently, laughing.

"As it should be." He said simply. And then he heard a car screech into the parking lot and he frowned deeply. Raivis looked around and jumped, startled.

"Probably my parents." He mumbled, the usual sorrow at his parents' return seeming somehow different this time. His shoulders slumped and he moved towards the door reluctantly.

"Go before you get hurt, moya lyubov." Ivan sighed. Raivis nodded, getting on tiptoe to kiss Ivan's cheek before leaving, the door behind him closing with a soft thud. Ivan fell onto his couch, the tea in the kitchen completely forgotten.

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	2. Dreams and Nightmares

**Chapter 2 – Dreams and Nightmares**

That night, Ivan had a dream.

_He was standing in a field of beautiful green grass and sunflowers of every kind, from little wild ones to huge, obviously genetically altered ones. He smiled widely; sunflowers were his favorites. He picked a small one and smelled it, the scent making him sigh in happiness. It was wonderful. He turned to pick another, and he saw a pair of bare feet, lying in the grass. Surprised, he looked up, seeing the rest of the body. His heart seemed to have stopped completely._

_It was Yao, his skin and dark brown hair contrasting immensely with the sunflowers that surrounded him. His eyes were closed, but Ivan knew the beautiful brown orbs lay just hidden from view. He automatically fell to his knees at Yao's side, leaning over him, placing a hand on Yao's bare chest. It was warm, as if from the sun. He looked too beautiful, lying there in the sunlight, and tears began to slide down Ivan's cheeks as he stared. He reached to touch Yao's face, feeling the soft skin of Yao's cheek beneath his fingertips. Without thinking, he tucked the small sunflower in his hand behind Yao's ear, a small smile forming among the tears. He was beautiful, he thought, moving his face closer to Yao's, and as he looked into his first love's face, he couldn't help himself. A deep, painful sob erupted from his chest, and tears fell from his face onto Yao's as he cried, clinging to Yao's body._

"_I-I miss you so much!" he almost screamed, tears streaking down his face as his nails dug into Yao's shoulders, lifting him up and hugging him tightly, unable to control the sobs shaking his entire body._

_And suddenly, a small, quiet voice whispered into his ear._

"_I miss you too."_

_Ivan froze. _

_He realized he was holding the body up anymore. Its arms were wrapped around Ivan just as tightly, squeezing him just as hard. Ivan jerked back and stared in shock, as Yao's brilliant brown eyes met Ivan's purple ones. And then he broke down, the sobs being ripped from his body as if by force, and Yao held him, and Ivan cried and cried, finally only stopping to breathe. _

_That was when Yao spoke again._

"_Ivan-"_

"_I loved you." Ivan said loudly, still crying, his chest hurting worse than he'd ever felt. His heart felt splintered._

"_I know. I loved you too."_

"_I'm sorry I never really told you. So sorry." _

"_You didn't need to. I always knew." Ivan bit his lip, trying to resist another breakdown but couldn't, his body shaking violently with the force of his emotions. Yao pulled himself away then, sitting up in the grass and staring up at the sky. Ivan did his best to stop when Yao opened his mouth again. "But it's time for you to stop feeling guilty. How will you take care of him if you are only thinking of me?"_

_Ivan began crying again, softly this time, the words spilling out of his mouth like water. "I-I-I…I love him, I'm sorry, I love him…"_

"_Don't apologize!" Yao snapped, making Ivan almost smile. That was his Yao. Fie__ry temper when needed. "I'm happy for you! I hated watching you suffer. Every day. I watched. When he came along…I finally found some peace. I cried. It was sad but…I knew it was him. He'd be the one to heal you. You'd love him. He's perfect for you." Yao's own eyes seemed as if they were filling up. "He's what you need. Not me. WE may have loved each other but it wasn't right. Please. Don't give him up for a memory."_

_Ivan started to cry harder, not wanting to admit it was true. "N-no! You're here, right now. C-can't we stay here?"_

"_This is the last time you'll see me while you remain in that body. We cannot stay here. This is an in-between place…" he sighed, as tears continued to slide down Ivan's cheeks. "I just…I had to talk to you, while I was strong. I__t was my only chance."_

"_Strong?"_

"_Your happiness gives me strength." Yao smiled. "Seeing you with that boy…it gives me the strength to keep watching. Love him. Be happy. Not for me. For you."_

_Ivan stared, comprehension dawning on his face. "You're something like my guardian angel, aren't you?"_

_Yao almost laughed."Not quite…but something like it, yeah. I opted to watch you until it's time."_

"_Time for what?" Ivan asked, and Yao simply shrugged. Ivan spoke again. "I miss you."_

"_I miss you too. I always have. Always will."_

"_I will too."_

_Yao sighed. "It's time to go." He said quietly, and Ivan reached out, grabbing the hem of Yao's pants._

"_Please…" he said, not even knowing what he was begging for._

_Yao just smiled. "Be happy, okay?" he said, and he was gone._

_Ivan stared at the place where Yao had disappeared, and noticed the sunflower was missing too. He started crying again, sitting amongst the flowers, staring up at the bright blue sky. For a second, he wanted to stay here and wait, but he immediately changed his mind._

_After all, Raivis was waiting for him. Sweet, adorable, caring Raivis. He wasn't going to hurt Raivis. And besides that, he would miss Raivis terribly. The thought of never seeing Raivis again left an ache where his heart was. And as much as it hurt to go on without Yao, Raivis was there to soften the pain. He was worth the effort. He was worth anything Ivan had to give up to be with him._

_Because I love him, _Ivan thought as he jerked awake, to the sound of a knock on his front door.

Something was wrong. Something was overwhelmingly wrong. Raivis was sitting, blank faced and still, on Ivan's couch. It was around 4 a.m. Raivis had banged on Ivan's door at nearly 3. When Ivan opened it Raivis jumped into his arms, sobbing and shaking, his eyes huge. Ivan moved him to the couch, gave him fresh tea and a blanket, and they'd been there since, neither of them saying a word. Ivan frowned, a hand on Raivis' arm. Raivis glanced up at him for a second, swallowing as if he was contemplating something, and then looked away, his eyes suddenly fearful. Ivan was worried out of his mind. Had his parents beat him? Ivan didn't see any marks…but emotional trauma was evident.

"Raivis?" Ivan said quietly, as gently as he could. "What's wrong?"

Raivis shook his head, not speaking, closing his eyes and pulling his knees up to his chest. Ivan's eyebrows knit together with worry, and he lightly petted Raivis' hair. It was kind of…wet. Had Raivis showered? At this hour? Ivan stared at him in confusion.

"Did you take a shower?"

Raivis' eyes got huge and he frowned. But he nodded. Ivan raised an eyebrow.

"At 2 in the morning?"

Raivis nodded again.

"Why?"

Now Raivis shook his head. Ivan frowned, concerned.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" Ivan said, his voice breaking with the force of his worry. Raivis stared up at him, shaking his head, the fear still obvious in his face. Ivan frowned, studying his appearance. Just under the collar of Raivis' shirt, there was a shadow. Ivan grabbed Raivis' shoulder, holding him still and pulling the shirt down gently. There was a ring of purple bruises around Raivis' neck, all the way down his shoulder and on his chest. The ones on his shoulders appeared to have nail markings. Ivan's mind went totally blank.

"…these all look new." He said softly. Raivis just nodded. Ivan's mouth turned downwards, and a low growl seemed to come from his chest. He was suddenly furious. "Who did it? What did they do?" he said in a controlled voice.

Raivis shook his head, his eyes wide. "N-no! I can't…" he mumbled, covering his face with his hands.

"Tell me. Please. I can make it stop. I'll murder them."

"No! No, Ivan, please, don't hurt him!" Raivis looked as if he had begun to panic, his eyes nearly the size of half-dollars. Ivan paled.

"It's your father, isn't it?"

"H-he's n-not a bad person! He didn't mean to! P-papa just…" Raivis started to sob, his hands completely over his face. "M-mama left and P-papa said he n-needed…"

Ivan stared in shock. "Wh-what?!" he said, his voice barely a whisper. No. No!

Raivis didn't answer, hugging himself tightly. Ivan's fists clenched, his frown turning into a scowl.

"I'll kill him for this."

"No!" Raivis cried. "No! Ivan, don't hurt Papa! Please!" Ivan took a deep breath and unclenched his fists, grabbing Raivis and hugging him tightly, biting his lip. He needed to calm down. Being angry would only make Raivis more scared. He pulled Raivis into his lap, hugging him, touching him gently, kissing his forehead. Raivis cried, seeming to somewhat relax and melt into Ivan, sobbing harder than ever, clinging to Ivan as Ivan had clung to Yao in his dream. Ivan held him, a million thoughts flashing through his mind. Raivis didn't need anger. He needed comfort. _That's why he's here_, Ivan thought. _He needs me._

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	3. Ready to Try

**Chapter 3 – Ready to Try**

The idea that Raivis needed him was the only thing that made him able to relax that night. That and the comforting warmth of Raivis' small body against his, as they lay curled up together on Ivan's bed. Raivis was sound asleep, his head on Ivan's chest, having passed out from exhaustion. Ivan, however, was awake, watching the small boy closely in case something happened. He laughed at himself internally, thinking he was being silly, caring so much for this boy that he didn't even want to allow him to have nightmares. He didn't know how he had fallen for the boy so quickly; perhaps it was simply his kindness. Raivis was the first person to want to be around him since Yao's death. Raivis didn't care that Ivan was 26, or that his accent and native language made his speech awkward. Raivis stayed regardless of anything Ivan said or did. Ivan didn't understand, couldn't comprehend Raivis' reasons, but he thanked whatever god there might be for them. Ivan smiled and closed his eyes, kissing Raivis' hair as he tried to fall asleep.

The next morning, Ivan woke up with Raivis completely on top of him, his face snuggled into Ivan's neck. Ivan froze, willing his body not to react to such contact, to the soft, warm breaths against his skin, but of course it did. He groaned, now trying to ignore how Raivis was pressed much to close against him, the boy's thigh pressing directly into his now somewhat excited vital regions. He shifted away, knowing Raivis didn't need something like this, knowing he wouldn't be able to handle sexual awkwardness after whatever had happened yesterday. Ivan pushed it down with his hand after moving away. "Fuck." He mumbled to himself, and Raivis shifted next to him, moving his hands up to his face and rubbing at his eyes. Ivan let out a deep breath, trying to smile. Raivis looked so much better.

"Good morning." Raivis said quietly.

"Morning." Ivan replied, his voice heavy from being tired. He moved close and kissed Raivis softly on the cheek, hoping it would be okay. Raivis smiled, embarrassed, then stood up and stretched. Ivan mimicked him, raising his arms above his head and sighing deeply, thanking the heavens that it was Saturday. Raivis was staring at him when Ivan turned back to his direction. He blinked.

"Yes?"

"Nothing." Raivis mumbled, looking away and blushing softly, shaking his head.

"Did you sleep alright?" Ivan smirked slightly as he asked, and Raivis nodded, rubbing his eyes again sleepily. "I am glad, as most of the night you slept on me, not the bed." He said casually, and Raivis' face went as red as a tomato.

"I-I-I-I'm sorry!" he stammered as Ivan laughed, waving a hand at him.

"It's fine. I do not mind at all." He smiled softly. "In fact I prefer it that way, it was very warm." He smiled again, and Raivis blushed, obviously embarrassed. Ivan chuckled softly and led Raivis out to the kitchen, where he noticed their forgotten tea, shaking his head. "What a waste." He laughed a little as he threw it away. "Are you hungry?" Ivan asked, and Raivis' stomach grumbled in reply. "I guess so. Do you want anything in particular?" Raivis shook his head, shrugging. Ivan thought for a second. "Let's go out, da? Get you away from here," he said, causing Raivis to shake his head violently. He mumbled something like, 'don't want to be seen' under his breath, his eyes huge. Ivan frowned but nodded, understanding completely. "I'll cook. Okay?" Raivis nodded, and Ivan sighed. _What am I supposed to do now?_ he wondered, as he begun to make a simple breakfast, suddenly not hungry at all.

_6 years previously…_

"_Ivan!" Yao yelled, trying to get the Russian's attention for the 5__th__ time._

"_What?" Ivan finally grumbled, scowling at Yao softly, as the darker haired man shook his head._

"_Nevermind. Doesn't matter now." _

_Ivan made an irritated noise after Yao spoke, rolling his eyes."What did you want?" Ivan asked bluntly, giving Yao a fierce look, his scowl deepening by the second._

"_Never. Mind. Fuck. Just…whatever. It's not important."_

_Ivan growled softly. "Tell me." He said, his eyes icy. Yao's mouth twitched, and he jumped up, now only an inch or two taller than the seated man._

"_You know what? Fuck you, Ivan! I'm sick of you ignoring me! What the fuck is your problem? I thought you were getting better!" he yelled, causing Ivan to stare, the scowl broken and his eyes wide._

"_Wha-"_

"_No, shut the fuck up! I'm sick of your bullshit! One minute, you're all over me, then we fuck and suddenly, I'm fucking invisible! What the fuck?!" Ivan's face was frozen in shock and he just shook his head._

"_I don-"_

"_Shut up!" Yao screeched, and pulled a hand back, smacking Ivan right in the face, the sound echoing loudly through the room. He then stormed out, slamming the door hard behind him._

_It took Ivan approximately 3 seconds to jump up and start chasing Yao, the force of Yao's words finally impacting his brain. He ran after the Asian man, as fast as he could, catching up quite quickly and grabbing his arm, yanking him towards himself and hugging him, so tightly that he wouldn't be able to get away. Yao struggled for a second before he stopped, seeming to notice that something was wrong. Ivan was completely still. Yao stared up at him. There was a small tear sliding down Ivan's cheek. "I'm sorry." He said quietly. Yao's eyes widened. "I-I…I know I…" he couldn't continue, his chest and throat too tight, too painful. But his thoughts wouldn't stop. _

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. I don't mean to ignore you, I'm scared Yao, I'm scared because I think I love-_

_Yao stepped back, looking at Ivan, his brown eyes softening. He began to speak, but Ivan placed a finger on his lips. Gently. The usual roughness he displayed seemed to have disappeared._

"_No. L-let me talk." Ivan frowned, trying to string the words together in English. "I do not mean to push you away," he said quietly, "I do not understand my emotions…I l-love-" Yao pulled Ivan down then and kissed him, the softest kiss they had ever shared. Ivan hugged him tight, picking him up for a second then setting him down. He had meant it. He loved Yao, really, really loved him. His cheeks began to burn. He was embarrassed, almost._

"_Ivan." Yao said quietly, his cheeks turning red to. Ivan's eyes locked on Yao's. "I-" he began, and stepped back to get a better look at Ivan, into the street._

_BANG!_

"_YAO!" Ivan screamed, and he froze. _

_No. No! No! _

_Then suddenly he ran, to where Yao had landed, in the grass, the small patched already stained with blood. Yao's chest was ripped open as if a sword had gone through it. Ivan stared in shock, dropping to his knees. The car was twenty feet away, the driver knocked out behind the wheel. But Ivan didn't dare look away from Yao for a second, his eyes searching Yao's face as he ripped off his own shirt and applied it to Yao's chest, his vision starting to go blurry, tears streaking his face._

"_No, no, Yao, please, no!" he whispered. Yao stared up at him, shock apparent on his face._

"_I-Ivan…" he choked, his face contorting in pain. And still, he was beautiful._

"_It'll be okay!" Ivan said automatically. "It has to be." He mumbled, even though he felt it, somehow knew, that this was it. The end._

"_I-I…l-love…" Yao's eyes slid closed, and all at once, he looked at peace. Ivan could only stare for a second._

_And then suddenly, the air was rent apart by the sound of anguished screaming, as Ivan collapsed on top of Yao, the sobs wracking his entire body. His head spun, he felt as if he was going to pass out, but he didn't move until he felt a hand on his shoulder almost 15 minutes later. He was dragged away from Yao, and the crying and screaming escalated._

"_N-no! Don't! Y-Yao, n-no!" he cried, his clothes covered in blood, his face and hair smudged with the substance. His vision shook. He felt himself being pulled but he wouldn't look away from Yao. He would never, ever…look at him again. He would never see Yao smile again. And as this thought crossed his mind, he fell to his knees._

_And he screamed at the sky._

"I-Ivan?" Ivan shook his head, and looked for the source of the noise. Raivis was next to him, at the table, and they were eating. He blinked. He didn't remember finishing cooking, let alone getting to the table. "Are you okay? You've been really…quiet."

Ivan looked at Raivis and smiled a somewhat sad smile. "I'm okay, thank you."

Raivis looked confused as he replied. "For what?"

"Being here. Caring. Smiling. Laughing." Ivan stood up then, pulling Raivis up too and hugging him. "Thank you for…this." He said quietly. Raivis didn't say anything but he hugged back. Ivan glanced at the ceiling.

_Thank you, Yao,_ He thought silently, _you…made me able to open up. I can't thank you enough._

And a voice floated into his head. He wondered briefly if perhaps he was imagining it.

_You made me happy. Now it's your turn._

And with that, he felt a sudden…relief. Yao was gone. There would be no more contact. And as Ivan laid a kiss on Raivis' soft hair, he knew that no matter how much he had loved Yao…that time was over. It was time to move on. This was now, and now Raivis was his angel. And Raivis didn't deserve someone who was caught in between. He deserved full-hearted devotion. He needed someone to love and care for him, to protect him without any second thoughts.

And finally Ivan was able to try.


	4. Worries, Hormones, and Emotions

**Chapter 4 – Worries, Hormones, and Emotions**

It had been about two weeks since the incident. Raivis was settled, for the most part. The thought made Ivan smile. It wasn't official, but for all intents and purposes Raivis lived with him now. Ivan sighed softly. "They would need to move to avoid Raivis' father, and to allow Raivis to go back to school. It would be simple to just…take Raivis with him to Russia. He could easily adopt the boy there and send him to school. But he knew that Raivis would not want to. He didn't speak Russian. He wouldn't be able to go to college early like he wanted, as Ivan had learned a couple weeks previously. And besides, it would be a bit odd to adopt someone that he viewed as a boyfriend. So Ivan tried to think of a way to care for Raivis.

He was pretty secure, financially. Ivan had nearly unlimited money due to some dead family, but…he worried for Raivis. He wanted the boy to be as happy as possible. He didn't know what to do, though. Perhaps they should get a house closer to his school. Ivan shook his head. Raivis hated his current school. And then it hit him.

Perhaps he could get Raivis into college soon. He had enough money to pay for as long as Raivis wanted. Raivis was definitely smart enough. He smiled at the thought. College. He had went while he was with Yao, but upon Yao's death had quit and moved away. He didn't miss it too much but he did wonder if perhaps he should go back. Maybe he could get a good job. Make his own money. He blinked, shaking away the thoughts that followed those. He didn't want to even consider having children yet. Not to mention he didn't want to try and figure out how it would happen anyhow. He forced himself to return to the present, to Raivis sleeping quietly in bed next to him. He smiled, just as the boy began to wake. It was around 8 pm. They had been watching a movie, and Raivis had fallen asleep, his head on Ivan's thigh, his small arms wrapped around Ivan's leg. He sat up slowly, blinking and rubbing his eyes, noticing how the TV was blank and the room was dark.

"Did the movie end?" Raivis asked.

Ivan shook his head. "I paused it and made the room dark so you could sleep."

Raivis blushed. "Thanks." He smiled. "Can we finish it now?"

Ivan laughed softly and nodded. "Of course," he said, and turned the TV back on, pressing the play button on the remote and standing up. "I'll be right back." He said quietly and left the room, coming back with a cup of water. When he got to the doorway, however, he had to stop himself from dropping it.

Raivis was laying on his stomach on the bed, his eyes glued to the TV. His pants were pulled tight around his ass, outlining it perfectly, clinging tightly to his thighs as well. Ivan blinked in shock, putting a hand over his mouth.  
_Jesus Christ, I have never been more tempted in my life._ He thought to himself, and he had to push down a growing erection with his hand, moving to the bed and hoping the TV would kill the mood. As he said down, he swore silently.

"There's a sex scene in this movie?" Raivis said quietly, his face suddenly bright red, and he looked away from the TV to Ivan. Ivan twitched slightly and moved behind Raivis, an idea popping into his head.

"Here, let me." He put a hand over Raivis' eyes, pulling the small boy into his lap.

Raivis smiled. "Thanks."

Ivan felt slightly guilty, as he had mostly pulled Raivis into his lap for his own reasons, but at the same time, he really couldn't help himself. The boy was too damn alluring.

He pulled Raivis a little closer, Raivis' back now pressed flat against Ivan's chest, and his ass up against Ivan's vital regions. Ivan's face twitched a little. This was probably a bad idea. He kept his hand on Raivis' eyes, and tilted his head back so that his neck was exposed.

_Well, better to try and fail than to never try at all._

He laid a soft kiss on the side of Raivis' neck, and then another, and another, and finally he kissed a little harder, dotting his tongue on Raivis' skin. Raivis shivered, squirming on Ivan's lap. Ivan immediately pulled away and Raivis made a small noise of protest.

"Don't…stop…" Raivis said, his voice barely above a breath. Ivan smirked then, and pulled them back together, kissing Raivis' neck again, this time a litter more urgently, scraping his teeth over the sensitive skin gently. Raivis turned his head and looked up at Ivan, catching his lips in a kiss, and the action encouraged Ivan to push a little farther, now kissing him more passionately, feeling like his blood was suddenly boiling. He gently pushed Raivis down onto the bed and continued kissing him, touching their tongues together softly, then moving his mouth down to Raivis' neck, sucking on it. Raivis let out a little squeak, wrapping his arms around Ivan's neck, pulling him closer, tiny little moans escaping his lips, causing Ivan to bite him gently, wanting to hear more. Raivis gasped and moaned, slightly louder, grinding his hips up into Ivan. Ivan groaned as Raivis rubbed against him, his pants now uncomfortably tight. He shifted, trying to relieve some of the pressure, only to make it worse by rubbing down against Raivis. Raivis moaned quite loudly then, and Ivan's zipper started to become strained. He made a soft noise, biting his own lip, before he felt Raivis' hands move to his pants, struggling to undo Ivan's button. Once he got it he unzipped them, and the slid down as Ivan moved, pulling them off and throwing them. Ivan saw Raivis lick his lips and he stared.

He'd never imagined Raivis to be the perverted type.

Obviously he was wrong, since only a second later he was stripped of his shirt. He stopped Raivis there, smirking and pulling off Raivis' clothes as well, admiring the small bulge in Raivis' boxers.

"Cute." He mumbled softly, pressing soft kisses down Raivis' body, hovering around his hips and biting one gently before kissing down to the waistband of his boxers, sliding his fingers under and removing them gently, exposing Raivis to the air. Ivan smirked. It wasn't big, but it wasn't what you would call small either, compared to his tiny body. It suited him. Ivan gently kissed the tip, and a small moan came in reply from Raivis' lips. He them pulled the top into his mouth and sucked on it, slowly starting to rub the shaft with his hand, making sure to be really gentle. Raivis moans got louder by the second, and Ivan took more of him into his mouth, starting to bob his head up and down, closing his eyes, getting into a rhythm. Raivis' moans got louder and louder, and soon Ivan felt Raivis' hand tangled in his hair, gripping it tightly. Ivan groaned, the feeling urging him on. He moved quickly now, sucking harder and squeezing Raivis' hip with one hand.

"I-Ivan, I-I'm g-gonna…" Raivis' voice came out louder than he obviously intended. Ivan just nodded and kept going, until a second later Raivis' body shook and he nearly screamed, gripping Ivan's hair and the bed as he came in Ivan's mouth, his cheeks bright red. Ivan then pulled his mouth away, swallowing and licking his lips, opening his eyes and smiling at Raivis. Raivis was panting, a light layer of sweat now covering his chest. He closed his eyes. Ivan smirked, happy with himself.

"That was good, da?" he said quietly. Raivis nodded, blushing darkly. Ivan laughed and moved close to him, snuggling him tightly. He didn't even feel like he needed anything at this point. It had been amazing just to give to Raivis like that. He smirked for a second. And then he caught Raivis' eye, and the smirk fell off his face. He had a mischievous little grin, and after a second was on top of Ivan, staring down at him.

Ivan was honestly a little frightened.

Raivis' eyes sparkled maliciously, and he sat deliberately on Ivan's groin, his ass pressing against it through the thin boxer material.

An hour later, they were both exhausted. Ivan's breathing slowed down as he relaxed, his heart going a million miles an hour. Raivis was next to him, also panting, his entire body covered in sweat and his eyes closed. Ivan smiled, pulling Raivis close and kissing his head, his mind completely blank other than a desire for snuggling and sleep. He pulled the blankets on the bed over the two of them and bit his lip, having to restrain from speaking. He had almost said something he hadn't in a long time…and then he frowned. Would it really be wrong to say it? It was true…but he was nervous. He laughed at himself, and then took a deep breath.

"Raivis?" he whispered, right into the boy's ear.

Raivis opened his eyes and moved so he could look Ivan in the face. "Yeah?"

"I…I love you." Ivan said quietly.

Raivis stared at him, wide eyed, before he broke into the biggest smile Ivan had ever seen on him. "I love you too, Ivan."

Ivan smiled back, kissing Raivis' cheeks, his nose, his forehead, and finally his lips. He pulled the small boy close and closed his eyes.

They both fell asleep within minutes, the room filling up with a welcomed feeling of contentment.

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_**Review please because I am terrible at writing sex scenes and could use some tips...there's an actual one coming up though, that should make your day. Hopefully. :3**_


	5. More Worries and Necessary Plans

**Chapter 5 – More Worries and Necessary Plans**

The next morning, Ivan hated himself. He went about getting dressed while Raivis slept, yelling at himself internally.

_How could I do that after what happened to him? Why? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm sick, perverted, disgusting, and Raivis should-_

"Ivan?" A small voice interrupted his internal beating and he automatically looked in Raivis' direction.

"Da?"

Raivis looked at him for a second. "Are you okay?"

"Da." Ivan nodded, trying to smile, and failing horribly. Raivis frowned.

"What's…?" Raivis stopped and then blushed, looking down. "Oh. Is last n-night bothering you?" he mumbled.

"I'm sorry. I should not have. I should have controlled myself." Iva said quietly.

Now Raivis looked confused. "What?"

"Well after all that happened-" Ivan stopped talking when Raivis shook his head.

"You think you hurt me or something?"

Ivan looked at him. "Did I not?"

Raivis stared back. "You didn't."

Ivan blinked. "Oh."

Raivis blushed. "I…uh…wanted it…so…" he bit his lip then, his face entirely red.

Ivan breathed a sigh of relief. "So you do not hate me for it?"

Raivis looked as if he was going to laugh. "Why would I hate you for that?"

Ivan shook his head. "I do not know. Ignore me. I worry too much."

"Thanks." Raivis smiled, his cheeks still pink. Ivan just nodded, and then their eyes made contact. They suddenly both started laughing, and weren't able to speak until Raivis finally managed to choke out, "That was a little awkward." He smiled as he spoke, and Ivan nodded.

"Shall we do this over and pretend like this conversation never happened?"

"Yeah, I think so. Good morning Ivan."

"Good morning, Raivis. What are we doing today?"

Raivis took a deep breath then, as if preparing for something. The look on his face was serious. "I want to go to school."

Ivan looked at him. "But what if…?"

"I've got you. You won't let anything happen, right?" Raivis said. Ivan nodded. _Damn right._ "Then I have nothing to worry about."

Ivan contemplated his next words for a second.

"Raivis. How soon do you think you can be ready for college?" He received a blank stare.

"Why?"

"I am just curious."

"I only need three more credits to graduate, so…a couple months." Raivis said, and Ivan smiled. "But I don't have the money."

"Do not worry. It will work out. With a mind like yours, it's definitely possible."

"I'm only so far ahead because of my previous school; I'm not all that smart or anything…"

"I dropped out of college. I would love to see you go."

Raivis frowned. "You dropped out?"

"It is…a long story, for another time." Ivan looked away for a second before smiling at Raivis. "I'll take you to school tomorrow, okay? And I'll pick you up. No one will see you."

Raivis swallowed hard and nodded. Ivan could tell he was scared, but he also looked determined. It made Ivan smile.

_He's become so much stronger since we met. Is it wrong to hope that it is due to my influence?_

The next few weeks went by in a blur. Every day Raivis went to school, and every day he came home happier. He was obviously content, now that he was busy. Ivan had noticed that he didn't handle boredom well. He smiled. It made him happy to know that Raivis was happier, and that life was getting easier. He still worried though, because he knew they would need to move. And he was a little scared to bring it up to Raivis. Perhaps there was somewhere Raivis wanted to go, though? He shrugged. Maybe he could get a house close to whatever college Raivis wanted to go to, so that he wouldn't need to worry about dorm life. Ivan sighed. It was around 2:50, he was sitting in his car outside the gate of Raivis' school. He went to a school that was completely enclosed. It was almost like boarding school, they even had uniforms. The only difference was that the students got to go home afterwards. Ivan frowned, staring at his watch. He wished time would just hurry. He wanted to get this over with.

And just as he thought that, the school's bell rang, and a rush of students came flooding out of the building. Raivis was somewhere in the middle, as usual. Ivan waited until he finally saw Raivis, walking towards the car with a girl. Ivan raised an eyebrow.

The girl had obviously rolled her skirt up, as it was halfway up her thigh, and her shirt was much too tight, emphasizing her chest and her small waist. She was smiling, her books in one arm and her other arm reaching towards Raivis' shoulders. He seemed to notice and looked at her, moving a little bit away. Ivan laughed, watching intently. The girl almost frowned but just kept smiling, shaking it off. They reached the car and Raivis opened the door. "Hi Ivan!" he grinned, throwing his bag in the back seat. "See you later, Jen." He waved and got in, slamming the door. She waved and walked off, a confused look on her face. Raivis watched her leave and sighed. Ivan looked at her, then at Raivis.

"Is she a friend of yours?" Ivan asked.

"Kinda." Raivis answered, shrugging. "She's…pushy. She thinks I'm cute or something. Follows me around, trying to get me to wear the girl's uniform, weird stuff like that." He bit his lip. "She's a nice girl though. Intelligent. Attractive, I guess…I'm just…not really into girls…" he trailed off, looking around awkwardly.

Ivan laughed. "I think I know that by now." he teased. "She seems a bit…extreme." He commented, but shook his head. "Nevermind that, Raivis, I need to ask you something." He took a deep breath as he started the car and drove off, cutting through the parking lot easily.

"What?"

"I think…I think we may need to move soon." Ivan frowned.

Raivis tilted his head a little. "I think that's a good idea, honestly. After high school, I want to go to an out of state college…it will be less expensive if I live there."

Ivan's eyebrows lifted up slightly. He didn't expect Raivis to be so cooperative. "That makes things simple then. Where would you like to go?"

Raivis smiled. "Seattle." He said quietly.

Ivan smiled too. "Seattle…sounds fine with me." He nodded.

Raivis stared. "Really?" Ivan nodded and Raivis' eyes got huge. "Are you serious? You can take me to Seattle?"

Ivan laughed and nodded again. "Of course."

Raivis blinked, as if he couldn't believe his luck. "I…are you sure? It won't be a problem?"

Ivan nodded yet again. "It'll be fine. No problems. If that's where you want to go, we go. Right after you graduate."

Raivis looked as if he was in shock. "…wow," was all he said, leaning back into the chair, running his hand through his hair.

And that's when Ivan saw him. Raivis' father, standing on the corner by the apartment building they lived in. Ivan gasped, and Raivis' looked and saw too, his expression of shock changing from happy to horrified. Without speaking, Ivan pushed Raivis down into the space below the seat, hiding him from view.

_Fuck! _He thought to himself, speeding past their apartment building as if he never meant to turn in, and Raivis' father's gaze followed the car. But he didn't look too interested.

Ivan let out a deep sigh of relief. He didn't know that it was their car. _Thank god._

Ivan drove for ten minutes, away from the apartments, ending up at a gas station quite a way away from their home, stopping and laying his head on the steering wheel after helping Raivis back up.

"That was too close." He mumbled.

"…yeah." Raivis' voice sounded scared but not as scared as he would have been months ago. Mostly he sounded tired. "I hate having to hide."

Ivan nodded. Raivis had already been legally emancipated, they had taken care of that two weeks ago. It was the last time he had seen his father, in the court room. His father didn't speak to him, barely even looked at him. But he had looked murderous. And Ivan was scared for Raivis' life. He had taken to locking everything in his house at night, as now Raivis' father knew where he lived. Even if he was forbidden from visiting his son, he knew that they were barely down the hall. The thought tortured Ivan.

"Maybe…we should move sooner." Raivis frowned. "We could find a place by my school, couldn't we?"

Ivan blinked. "Easily. But I thought you would not want to move until school was done. I thought of it but I did not ask…"

Raivis swallowed. "I don't but…it's not safe or healthy, living like this." He frowned. Ivan nodded in agreement, not saying anything for a while, sitting and thinking.

He could look tonight, find a place and have them moved in by the end of the week, simple. It would be so much safer…he smiled. Thank god Raivis was reasonable.

"We are moving then. In a week or so. Okay?" Ivan asked, and Raivis nodded. Ivan smiled. "I will find a place and it will be no problem, so you do not need to worry." They both smiled a little. Raivis looked relived. Ivan turned the car back on and drove back towards their apartment, his mind racing.

He wondered what kind of place Raivis would like.


	6. Beginning a New Life

_Hey yeah wow sorry this took forever, but I hope you like it!_

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**Chapter 6 – Beginning a New Life**

It had taken longer than he preferred, but they were finally settled. Ivan smiled at the clean carpet of his new apartment. It had been a little over a week but now all of his things were here, the furniture was set up and the kitchen was finally functional. He breathed out a deep sigh of relief, feeling as if a weight was lifted off of him. He twirled his key around his finger, slipping the spare into his pocket to give to Raivis later. He would be so happy to know that tonight they would finally be safe.

Ivan had bought an apartment little more than three blocks from Raivis' high school. It was an easy walk and it was closer to stores and whatnot than their last place. Overall it was a better location, since it was not only convenient but far from Raivis' father. Ivan glanced at the clock. He had about a half hour before he needed to set off to get to Raivis' school before the bell rang. Perhaps now that Raivis would be in a safe place he could even have friends over. Ivan laughed, hoping that something like that would make Raivis happy. After all, this was all for him.

He cleaned up the empty boxes and tossed them outside, and by the time he was done it was time to go. He didn't have long to walk, and got there just as the bell was ringing, and everyone rushed outside yet again. Raivis was next to him within a few minutes, the girl who had been clinging to him days ago nowhere in sight. Ivan shrugged and waved at Raivis as he nearly ran towards Ivan, hugging him.

"No car?" he said, his energy obviously over the top.

Ivan nodded.

Raivis grinned. "Does that mean…?"

Ivan smiled and walked away, motioning for Raivis to follow. He did so, bouncing along like a little puppy, running up and grabbing Ivan's hand the second they were away from the school building. They walked for about ten minutes and they were there. Ivan stopped Raivis in front of their door, a wide smirk on his face. Raivis looked about ready to explode.

"Before we go in, this is for you." Ivan said quietly and handed him the spare key to the apartment. Raivis' eyes got huge.

"…I get my own key?" he asked, and Ivan nodded, and then pushed open the front door, looking at Raivis to judge his expression.

Raivis' eyes went huge as he stared into the apartment, walking in and looking around, blinking and smiling and almost seeming as if he was going to squeal. After a few seconds he turned back to Ivan and grinned.

"Is this really ours?!"

Ivan just nodded, and Raivis made a funny noise, running at Ivan and tackling him onto the couch, their door left wide open.

"This is amazing!" he said loudly, hugging Ivan tight. "I didn't think you could do it so soon!"

Ivan grinned, proud of himself. "I did my best. I hope you like it."

Raivis nodded. "It's perfect, I love it!"

Ivan shook his head and smiled, amused. Raivis was so feminine sometimes, it was cute. He removed Raivis from his body and stood up, going to their door and closing it, locking it tight. He had installed a new lock to compliment the old ones. He wasn't going to allow anything to compromise Raivis' safety. Raivis seemed to notice and smiled. He must have liked the idea of security. Ivan looked at him for a second before moving to him and picking him up, hugging him and kissing his cheeks. He sat down on the couch and pulled Raivis into his lap, snuggling him.

Raivis giggled, his face a little red, but he kissed Ivan back gently, his little hands holding Ivan's. Ivan smiled, a little bubble of happiness settling in his chest. He wished it could be like this forever. He honestly, truly did.

That night, as they both got ready for bed, Ivan noticed that there was something definitely different about Raivis. All day he had been more confident, outspoken, and happier than Ivan had ever seen him. It was…amazing. Raivis had decided to wear his boxers and a t-shirt to bed as per his usual, and so did Ivan. He laughed. They rarely wore anything too different; they had a similar fashion sense as far as Ivan could tell. Ivan was currently lying on their new bed, facing the ceiling, his arms behind his head as he stared at the paint, waiting for Raivis to finish whatever he was doing. He felt the bed move and a second later Raivis was there, kneeling above him on his hands and knees, smiling and then kissing Ivan on the lips gently.

"Hi love." Raivis mumbled softly, his cheeks red.

Ivan looked up at him, head tilted. "Hello. What are you doing up there?" Ivan smiled though, pulling Raivis on top of him and wrapping his arms around the boy's waist. Raivis sat up on Ivan's stomach and shrugged.

"Sitting, for now."

"For now?"

Raivis blushed. "I mean, uh…just…sitting." He looked around nervously, his face red, and Ivan wondered if he had thought something perverted. Sure seemed like it.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing!" Raivis squealed, his face even more red. _Yep,_ Ivan thought, _I was right._

"Oh. Well perhaps if you are going to sit up there you should do something?" Ivan suggested quietly.

Raivis blushed and then he smiled, seeming to draw confidence from something. He leaned down and kissed Ivan gently, flicking his tongue against Ivan's bottom lip for a second. Ivan felt a little twinge of something in his groin area. Raivis sat up and smirked, but before he could fully straighten Ivan pulled him back down, biting Raivis' lip and then down to his neck. If Raivis could play, Ivan could play too. He laughed gently as Raivis went totally red and let out a little moan. Ivan smirked and then went to kissing him gently, nibbling his ear and breathing deeply into it. Raivis went limp and he collapsed against Ivan, his own breathing getting heavier. Ivan laughed and then kissed back to Raivis' lips, and kissing him hard, opening their mouths and kissing him deeply. He felt Raivis grind against him and he nearly lost it, groaning and grinding back up.

"Raivis, stop, or…"

"Or what?" Raivis seemed to smirk, and did it again, intentionally. Ivan looked up at him seriously.

"Okay. But remember that you asked for it." He undid Raivis' pants quickly, rolling and pushing the boy against the bed, nearly ripping them off of him. He pulled off the boy's shirt too, exposing him completely, grinning down at the sight before him. Raivis' cheeks were completely red and his eyes huge. He covered himself with a hand and bit his lip.

"Ivan…" he whined, "D-don't just…look at me…"

Ivan smirked. "But you are beautiful." He said simply, and he pulled off his own clothes, bringing Raivis' body close to his and kissing him gently, but definitely not innocently, sliding his tongue into Raivis' mouth. Raivis moaned gently and kissed back. Ivan laughed and then looked at him.

"Can I…?" Ivan mumbled, the question not needing to be asked in full. Raivis seemed to understand immediately, nodding and blushing. Ivan gave Raivis a comforting look and kissed his cheek before he ground into Raivis, the skin of his ass bare against Ivan's own skin, causing Raivis to moan and Ivan to bite his own lip.

"P-please…" Raivis said quietly, his eyes wide, begging for Ivan to just hurry up. Ivan grinned and complied, aligning himself with Raivis' opening, the tip sliding in easily since it was already covered in lubrication from earlier activities. Raivis' cheeks went bright red as he moaned, and Ivan pushed in a little further, and then a little more, listening as Raivis' voice got louder each time. He groaned a little himself and pulled out, and then pushed back in, less slowly this time. Raivis moaned quite loudly, and pushed back against Ivan. Ivan then flipped them over so that Raivis was on top of him, and moved the boy's hips with his hands, guiding them slowly onto himself at first and then faster, and soon Raivis was doing it on his own, moving faster with every few seconds that passed, his voice echoing in the room.

And then it seemed as if everything had been doused in white light, and for a few seconds his mind was entirely blank, the pure ecstasy wiping his mind and simultaneously filling it at the same time. And as suddenly as it had came, it faded, leaving him panting and staring at the boy who was now collapsed over him, seemingly barely able to keep himself from falling down onto Ivan's chest. After a few second of just staring at each other they both smiled, Ivan then barely managing to lift Raivis up and off him, setting him on bed and letting out a deep breath.

"Well...damn," was all he could manage, and Raivis blushed, pulling the blankets out from under him and covering himself. Ivan did they same and they just laid in silence for a moment, Raivis curling up against Ivan's chest.

"I love you." he said suddenly. Ivan just smiled sleepily.

"Yeah...you too." he mumbled, beginning to fall asleep. Within moments they were both asleep.

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_Please review! Constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome and I would really appreciate it!_


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